What I Do When Someone Doesn’t Hire Me (and Why You Should Too)
I still remember the first consultation that went absolutely perfectly — where I nailed every explanation, addressed every concern, and felt the client leaning in with that "yes, this is the lawyer I need" energy — only to get the dreaded email the next day:
"After careful consideration, we've decided to go with another attorney..."
My stomach dropped. My ego bruised. And for about 24 hours, I cycled through my usual reactions:
"What did I do wrong?" "Was it my pricing?" "Did they find someone cheaper?" "Did they think I didn’t sound professional enough?"
Let's be honest. Rejection stings. Whether you've been practicing for six months or sixteen years, that email saying a potential client chose someone else still triggers that little voice whispering, "You aren’t good enough."
But here's what I've discovered over the years: That rejection email is actually a gold mine of information if you're brave enough to ask for it.
The Email Template That Changed My Practice
A few years ago, I started doing something that felt awkward at first but has since transformed how I approach my business. Instead of just politely acknowledging when someone doesn't hire me, I send this exact response:
"Thank you for letting me know about your decision. While disappointed, I respect your choice and wish you all the best. I'm always looking to improve my services for future clients. If you're willing, I would greatly appreciate your feedback about what factors influenced your decision. Your insights would be valuable in helping me better serve others in similar situations. Thank you again for your consideration."
That's it. Nothing fancy. Nothing desperate. Just a simple ask for information that could help me grow.
The first time I sent it, my finger hovered over the "send" button for a full minute. What if they thought I was being pushy? What if they ignored it? What if they told me something I didn't want to hear?
But here's what happened instead: people responded kindly. And their feedback was nothing short of transformative.
This simple email template works because it's:
Respectful: It acknowledges their decision without making them feel guilty. The door stays open for future opportunities.
Growth-Oriented: It signals that you're committed to improvement and value their perspective.
Professional: It leaves them with a positive final impression, which matters because even people who don't hire you can become referral sources.
The Feedback That Transformed My Practice
The replies I've received over the years have been eye-opening. Some examples:
"We went with another attorney who specializes exclusively in probate. While your experience was impressive, we felt we needed someone who only handles these cases." (This led me to better articulate how my experience with both estate planning and administration help me be a better attorney because I know the issues to avoid)
"Honestly, your flat fee was higher than we expected." (I now explain the value the client will receive much more clearly)
"We felt a bit overwhelmed by all the information in the consultation. We needed more time to process before making decisions." (I created a follow-up email with key points after consultations)
"Another attorney offered payment plans, which we needed." (I implemented flexible payment options the following week)
What I love about this feedback is that it often has nothing to do with my skills as an attorney. It's almost always about my business model, communication style, or some other factor I can adjust.
Mining Rejection for Gold
Here's how to use this feedback to strengthen your practice:
Identify Patterns
One rejected lead telling you your fees are too high might just be a budget mismatch. Five people saying it in two months? That's a pattern worth examining.
I keep a simple spreadsheet where I log feedback themes. When I notice something mentioned three or more times, I know it's time to address it.
Refine Your Messaging
Sometimes the issue isn't your services — it's how you're communicating their value.
When several prospects told me they "weren't sure what set me apart" from other attorneys, I realized I wasn't clearly articulating my unique approach. I completely rewrote my consultation script to emphasize what makes my practice different, and my conversion rate increased.
Streamline Your Processes
Is your intake process confusing? Do prospects understand your timeline? Is your follow-up consistent?
One piece of feedback that stunned me: "We weren't sure what the next steps would be after hiring you." I thought I'd been crystal clear, but obviously not. Including a simple "What to Expect Next" section in my follow-up email solved this immediately.
Strengthen Your Proposals
If you're sending proposals or engagement agreements after consultations, these might need refinement too.
After hearing that my engagement agreements were "comprehensive but overwhelming," I rewrote them in plan language and added headings to help provide a quick overview. Problem solved.
Beyond Feedback: Other Ways to Leverage Lost Leads
Rejection feedback is gold, but there are other ways to turn lost leads into future opportunities:
The "Not Now" Follow-Up
Sometimes a "no" is actually a "not now." I set calendar reminders to check in with promising leads 3-6 months after they decide not to move forward.
My favorite low-pressure follow-up: "Just checking in to see how things worked out with your legal matter. I've been thinking about your situation and hoped things resolved smoothly."
This has led to several potential clients coming back when they were ready or when their first choice didn't work out.
Analyze Your Marketing
Are you attracting the right prospects in the first place? If you're consistently meeting with people who don't hire you, your marketing might be casting too wide a net.
When I noticed I was attracting lots of price-sensitive clients who never converted, I revisited my website copy and realized I was emphasizing affordability without adequately explaining the value behind my services.
Build Relationships Anyway
Just because someone doesn't hire you doesn't mean the relationship has to end. If you genuinely connected with them, send a LinkedIn connection request or occasionally share an article they might find helpful.
Track What Works
While tracking why people don't hire you is valuable, don't forget to ask why people DO hire you.
My simple question to new clients: "What ultimately made you decide to work with me?" Their answers often surprise me and highlight strengths I wasn't consciously emphasizing.
The Mindset Shift: Rejection as Data, Not Failure
Here's the truth: we're not going to be the right attorney for everyone and not everyone should be our client. And that's okay.
The sooner you can view rejection as valuable data rather than personal failure, the faster your practice will evolve. Each "no" brings you closer to understanding exactly what your ideal clients need and how to provide it.
This mindset shift didn't happen overnight for me. I had to actively practice replacing thoughts like "I failed to get that client" with "I gathered important information from that interaction."
The best part? This approach has made rejection sting a lot less. When I get that "we've decided to go another direction" email now, I'm genuinely curious rather than crushed. (Okay, maybe still a little crushed — I'm human after all — but the curiosity wins out.)
Your Turn to Ask
The next time a potential client doesn't hire you, resist the urge to just move on. Instead, send them a version of my feedback request template. Then actually use what they tell you.
Start a simple tracking system — even just a note on your phone — to identify patterns. Be brave enough to hear what's not working, and be agile enough to make changes.
Because here's the thing: The attorneys who build sustainable, thriving practices aren't the ones who never face rejection. They're the ones who learn from every "no" and leverage that information to get more enthusiastic "yeses" in the future.
What's the most valuable piece of feedback you've ever received from someone who didn't hire you? Hit reply and let me know. I'd love to hear what you learned from it.
Here’s to turning rejection into gold,
Lauren
P.S. Remember that feedback is just information, not a judgment of your worth as an attorney, entrepreneur, or person. The most successful practitioners I know are the ones who actively seek constructive criticism and use it to refine their approach. Try sending that feedback request email just once this week and see what happens. You might be surprised by how willing people are to share insights that can transform your practice.